In every serious dating relationship, there is no escape from the future. Whether you find your date through serious dating sites or professional exclusive dating sites, it's time to sit down and talk about your future together. It may sound awful -- boring and scary -- but it's the only way to know if you're compatible!
The problem with talking about the future, however, is that it can be potentially hurtful (it's easy to hurt your partner with careless words), and it can be very embarrassing. But for now, you don't have to worry. Fortunately, experts from professional exclusive dating sites have come up with a useful guide on how to talk about the future with your partner without too much damage!
Assumptions are a great way to keep the conversation light You shouldn't simply ask your partner, "what do you think your future holds for you and me?" "It's a pretty stressful statement for her/him. Instead, ask, "if you meet the right person, would you like to settle down?" What kind of person do you think you'll marry?" In short, be tactful -- talk about what you or she would do if X or Y happened. Talk about "my future wife" or "my future husband" in indirect ways, not about your partner. This will take the pressure off both of you and allow you to be honest with each other! Now you can let each other know what kind of life or partner you want in the future.
You don't need to figure everything out in one conversation Don't try to solve all the problems in one conversation, it's impossible! You need to take your time, give each other some time, and don't put too much pressure on this conversation! Say something like, "let's talk about this later" or "hey, I'd like to talk about this in a few months -- what do you think?" Taking all the problems out at once can make things worse, so it might be a good idea to slow down.
Discuss time Maybe your partner says, "I'm not ready to get married. I don't think I have enough financial security, at least not for the next few years." Yes, talking about marriage and children is awful and creepy. But burying your head in the sand is not the answer! Don't be afraid to say you're not ready for X or Y. (otherwise you'll make your partner of a few years wonder if you're going to marry him or her.) Instead, you can soften the blow by providing a timeline for your relationship milestones. Maybe you'll consider marrying in a few years. Maybe you're ready to talk about kids in 2 years! Whatever it is, you need to give her/him a clear picture of your progress and an understanding of what she/he thinks.
If you don't agree on something, don't lose your head immediately If you disagree about your future plans, say she wants children but doesn't believe in marriage. And you're ready to propose, but you don't want kids! I know how scary it can be to discover that your partner has very different goals and aspirations in life than you do. But wait, don't talk out of fear or anxiety. Don't make knee-jerk reactions to anything she says. Just take a deep breath, be patient, and give the other person room to explain or explain, rather than jumping to judgment. You can say something like, "HMM. I think I have different opinions, but I definitely want to talk more about it and see if there is any room for compromise in the future! Let's find room for negotiation."
You may think of yourself as a deal breaker, but research shows that many couples often change their thoughts or goals to suit their partner! People are always changing their minds: she may dream of working in New York today, but she ends up working in a completely different city. So before you panic, at least see if it's possible to change that.
Understand each other When talking about your future with your date, put yourself in their shoes and understand them. If he/she doesn't want to settle down right now because the company says they can't get married for three years, then you can't blame him/her. As long as it's not because he/she doesn't love you, you should put yourself in his/her shoes.
Don't be vague about what you want out of the relationship Express your feelings honestly and without ambiguity. For example: "well, I'm not sure about the future yet -- I think I need more time to make my decision. I don't know what I want our relationship to be." Do you think this person has the potential for a long-term relationship? Or do you want to settle down now? Are you sure he's the one for you? If the answer is no, tell him or her not to pretend that you will change your mind or that you need time to solve the problem! This will only make things worse and drag the pain out.
If you're worried that your truth will crush her/him, relax. You can be honest without being cruel, and a little wit on top of honesty will go a long way. For example: "honestly, I've enjoyed my time with you, but considering the circumstances, I'm not sure I'd like to settle down. How do you feel? What do you think? I want to be honest with you so no one gets hurt." Also, if you think you've found her/him, be sure to tell her/him! Because if you don't say it, the other person won't know what you're really thinking, and it's just as bad to be the one who gets hurt.
If you've read the above tips, don't be afraid to talk about the future. Once you start talking about the future, it's like breaking a taboo: it gets easier every time you talk about it. As long as you listen to each other, are honest, communicate, and are willing to compromise, everything should go well! If you find no future in your conversation, at least you know you're not wasting your time. In fact, you can walk away from a relationship that won't last. And then you can do it again. Good luck!